By Ritch Shydner, Mark Schiff
In a hilarious examine genuine existence at the comedy circuit, a few of America's most famed comics percentage their very own tales of lifestyles at the highway, gigs long past flawed, and unforeseen, zany moments, with contributions by way of Jay Leno, Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Mike Myers, invoice Maher, Joan Rivers, Jeff Foxworthy, and others.
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Extra info for I Killed: True Stories of the Road from America's Top Comics
BRONZE-MEDAL DRINKING GAMES 43 Shtfaced Games interior mech3_Layout 1 8/23/13 10:12 AM Page 44 SH*TFACED COCKTAIL The Faceplant THE SH*TFACED GAMES 44 Shtfaced Games interior mech3_Layout 1 8/23/13 10:12 AM Page 45 Drink this, and you’ll feel like a gymnast who lands on her face! You’ll be guaranteed to fall off any balance beam! Split the glass (get it? Split? ) with: 3 4 ⁄ ounce Jim “Balance” Beam 2 gymnastic rings of pineapple 2 dashes lemon-lime soda 3 ⁄ 4 ounce rum 3 ⁄ 4 ounce vodka 1 gymnast “wedgie” of mango Mix all the ingredients well by spinning the glass like a gymnast, then serve over ice.
Maybe that’s why jockeys are known to have quick, angry tempers. I knew a jockey who was hot headed yet cold as ice. He disappeared in a cloud of condensation. BRONZE-MEDAL DRINKING GAMES 39 Shtfaced Games interior mech3_Layout 1 8/23/13 10:12 AM Page 40 GAME 10 Giant Sloshed Slalom Snowboarding giant slalom is a race against competitors down the mountain between the poles. WINTER GAMES FACTOID: Organizers of the 2010 Winter Games were upset when snowboarders used the Olympic Torch to light up a joint.
Women prefer a penis that looks like a Roman solider with great posture, not one that looks like a beggar in a raincoat with slumped shoulders. BRONZE-MEDAL DRINKING GAMES 33 Shtfaced Games interior mech3_Layout 1 8/23/13 10:12 AM Page 34 GAME 6 Beer-Run Sprint It’s time to make a beer run! How to Play Alcohol Athlete 1 holds a full cup of beer in each hand and runs to his teammate, who is waiting for his beers. If the runner spills any beer on the ground or floor (it helps to have a referee), he must stop immediately and chug one beer.