Download Bearded Tit by Rory McGrath PDF

By Rory McGrath

A poignant yet hilarious trip into the arcane global of birdwatching by means of essentially the most renowned names in British comedy, Bearded Tit is Rory McGrath’s tale of existence between birds. From a Cornish boyhood wandering gorse-tipped cliffs hearing the music of the yellowhammer along with his imaginary female friend, or drawing gravity-defying jackdaws in school while he must have been making use of himself to physics, to quoting the Latin names of birds to provide himself a struggling with probability with the main attractive woman he had ever noticeable. As an grownup, or what passes for one, Rory recounts changing into a card-carrying birdwatcher, gazing his first skylark—peerless king of the summer season sky—while stoned; his many times failed makes an attempt to wake up on the break of day just like the genuine twitchers; and his fallacious bid to coach his totally unreconstructed consuming mate Danny within the methods of birding. Rory’s story is a completely academic, sometimes lyrical, and hugely a laugh romp throughout the hidden byways of birdwatching and all its attendant arcane wisdom.

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BRONZE-MEDAL DRINKING GAMES 43 Shtfaced Games interior mech3_Layout 1 8/23/13 10:12 AM Page 44 SH*TFACED COCKTAIL The Faceplant THE SH*TFACED GAMES 44 Shtfaced Games interior mech3_Layout 1 8/23/13 10:12 AM Page 45 Drink this, and you’ll feel like a gymnast who lands on her face! You’ll be guaranteed to fall off any balance beam! Split the glass (get it? Split? ) with: 3 4 ⁄ ounce Jim “Balance” Beam 2 gymnastic rings of pineapple 2 dashes lemon-lime soda 3 ⁄ 4 ounce rum 3 ⁄ 4 ounce vodka 1 gymnast “wedgie” of mango Mix all the ingredients well by spinning the glass like a gymnast, then serve over ice.

Maybe that’s why jockeys are known to have quick, angry tempers. I knew a jockey who was hot headed yet cold as ice. He disappeared in a cloud of condensation. BRONZE-MEDAL DRINKING GAMES 39 Shtfaced Games interior mech3_Layout 1 8/23/13 10:12 AM Page 40 GAME 10 Giant Sloshed Slalom Snowboarding giant slalom is a race against competitors down the mountain between the poles. WINTER GAMES FACTOID: Organizers of the 2010 Winter Games were upset when snowboarders used the Olympic Torch to light up a joint.

Women prefer a penis that looks like a Roman solider with great posture, not one that looks like a beggar in a raincoat with slumped shoulders. BRONZE-MEDAL DRINKING GAMES 33 Shtfaced Games interior mech3_Layout 1 8/23/13 10:12 AM Page 34 GAME 6 Beer-Run Sprint It’s time to make a beer run! How to Play Alcohol Athlete 1 holds a full cup of beer in each hand and runs to his teammate, who is waiting for his beers. If the runner spills any beer on the ground or floor (it helps to have a referee), he must stop immediately and chug one beer.

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