Download Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays by David Sedaris PDF

By David Sedaris

Brief tales and essays by way of an house purifier and a well-liked commentator for nationwide Public Radio spotlight the absurd habit of glossy american citizens, equivalent to the suburban dad who saves funds by way of appearing surgical procedure at domestic. Reprint. 25,000 first printing.

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That guy is a complete emotional cripple, but the other panel members didn’t seem fit to speak on the subject. E. G. Marshall, for example, would talk about driving past his ex-boyfriend’s house and calling him in the middle of the night just to hear his voice. Chuck Connors said he used to shower his boyfriends with costly gifts. He tried to buy their love. Chuck Connors wouldn’t recognize love if it were his own hand, and E. G. Marshall if it were both his hands, one down there and the other gently at his throat.

Unlike most babies, Mr. Chatam just loves getting spanked and once he starts bawling there’s only one way to pacify him! I never touched that damned guitar except during lessons, so last week my father told me I had to quit. Boohoo. I thought he might follow up by threatening to give my guitar to a deserving person who wouldn’t look down his nose at such an expensive gift, but no such luck. Instead he bought me a five-record instructional kit and wants me to teach myself. ” Life of the party. While he was growing up, my father lived under what he likes to describe as “harsh circumstances” in a small, ugly apartment.

But those teeth were special, his first real gold teeth. Those were the teeth that had torn into all of the exotic meals I had introduced him to. Those were the teeth I polished with my tongue on our first few dates, the teeth that hypnotized me across a candlelit table, the teeth that reflected the lovelight shining in my eyes. I swallowed Mike Tyson’s teeth and let him down. I’ve been waiting for days, but they still haven’t passed. They have to come out sooner or later, don’t they? Even if I do find them, I can’t expect Mike to put them back in his mouth.

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