Download Ant Farm: And Other Desperate Situations by Simon Rich PDF

By Simon Rich

In Ant Farm, former Harvard Lampoon president Simon wealthy unearths humor in a few very astounding locations. Armed with a pointy eye for the absurd and an overpowering feel of doom, wealthy explores the ridiculousness of our daily lives. the realm, he concludes, is a hopelessly terrifying place–with never-ending comedian potential.

–If your female friend provides a few “love coupons” after which breaks up with you, are the coupons nonetheless valid?

–What type of functionality strain does an endangered male panda think whilst his captors deliver the final closing woman panda to his cage?

–If murderers can get into heaven through accepting Jesus, simply how awkward is it once they run into their victims?

Join Simon wealthy as he explores the intense and hilarious desperation that is living in traditional existence, from cradle to grave.

"Hilarious." –Jon Stewart

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Listen, Bruce Kobza poisoned me to death! There’s a video recording of the murder in a locked briefcase in his apartment. You need to break into his bedroom, unlock the briefcase and show the tape to the police! Y … E … S! ) Trevor likes you, Janet! Okay … that’s … that’s fine. I’m glad we got that out of our system. But now it’s time to get serious. We might not have another chance to talk like this. I need you girls to go to Mt. Sinai Cemetery and dig up my body. Do an autopsy. You’ll find— Who likes Sophie?

You must be hungry. Hold on, I’ll get the zookeeper’s attention. ) Okay … I guess he didn’t hear me. We might have to wait a while. So, your tag says you’re from Siberia? That’s pretty cool! Do you have a lot of brothers and sisters there? Oh, right … of course you don’t. I’m sorry. mating throughout history STONE AGE SCRAWNY GUY: Hi! I was wondering … do you want to mate with me? WOMAN: I don’t think so. You’re not really my type. I’m looking for a guy with really big muscles. You know, the kind of guy who can build me a fort and protect my children from forest beasts.

We lost ten men on the last tunnel: Brian, Jack, Lawrence— —I know their names. —Why don’t we just give up? I mean seriously, what’s the point? —The point? The point is we have no food or water. The point is we’re trapped in this crazy desert, and if we don’t find an exit soon we’re going to suffocate. —What kind of God would put us here, just to torture us? Sand to the left … sand to the right … —It’s a test, William. He’s testing us. —You’re right. We can do this. We just have to work ten times harder than we’ve ever worked before!

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